Monday, July 2, 2012

Book Review - Fifty Shades of Grey

Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. JamesFifty Shades of Grey Review

I wanted to like it more... I really really did...

Reading is a big part of my daily activities. Biographies, fiction, non-fiction, self-help, erotica, history, genealogical records, cookbooks, children's books, young adult books... the list is endless. I have never once, no matter how badly I may want to, skip ahead in a book or stop reading it. I simply finish what I start. Always. From beginning to end. Many times while reading Fifty Shades of Grey, I came very close to breaking my own rules. Slamming my kindle down incredulously screaming... RREEEAALLLLYY??? However, in the end, I am glad I stuck it out.

It is a typical erotic novel written by (what it seems like), a first or second time author. Period. The hype that is surrounding it, is not deserved in my opinion. That, to me, is where my problem lies. I enjoy reading books like this. I do. It's a predictable and easy read (and hey what exhausted soccer mom wouldn't want to hide from her hum-drum life and escape into an erotic fantasy from time to time?). What burns my buttons, is that for some reason it was hyped to be a scandalous, impossible to put down, fantasy-esq bible, with highly acclaimed "hold on to your panties" type writing, guaranteed to satisfy soccer moms everywhere! They (the soccer moms that is), are probably why it did get the stampeded, band-wagoned hype that it did... Moms who don't normally read anything nor have more than two minutes a day to themselves and obviously have nothing much to compare it to (other than a couple of Fabio covered romance novels earlier in life) that are aroused by the repetitive sexual situations that barely change.

This book seems amateurishly written and horribly repetitive. I agree with another reviewers thoughts that this must have been written by a couple of teenage girls. So true on so many levels. From over the top, unbelievable and juvenile-esq named characters (Anastasia, Christian, Mia, Taylor, Leila, Carrick, Elliot? Really? REAAAALLY? Very Beverly Hills 90210 dontcha think?) To the self made 26/27 year old (yep 26 at one point and 27 at another without a single mention of a birthday) millionaire/billionaire (yep, he was referred to as both), with perfect looks and body, out to save the world from hunger and is a master at everything from flying to boating, multi-lingual, brilliant, loving, funny, quirky, care free hero who has never actually learned to care for someone... until now. Oh and let's not leave out the wispy, beautiful (but by golly, just can't see it herself) virgin heroine. Sprinkle in repetitive sex scenes (with a strong fetish current that they don't REALLLLY explore to its fullest)and typical non dramatic story lines... i.e "How can she be with someone like me I'm SOOO damaged and broken inside?" and "How can he be with someone like me, so simple and inexperienced?" Then KA-POW She saves him from himself and a dark horrible existence that no amount of money and sex can cure (yea right!). And he, the Knight whisking her up in a whirlwind of fairy-tale dust and AMAZING sex showers her with money and love, making her the envy of every other female on the planet. (gag me with a whipped cream covered spoon!)REEEEALLLYY?

Oh and for a book that has a repetitive sex scene on every other page, and ample usage of the word F*@K, what's up with referring to her "lady parts" as THERE?? From what I have read, this book has been banned in local libraries as pornographic material, yet Ana's whoo-haa is constantly being called "THERE"... "He kisses me THERE." "I tingle THERE" Don't tempt and tease with "kinky F---ery" and then call her whoo-ha "THERE" like a twelve year old not quite sure how to refer to "THERE" yet! JEEZ (which brings me to my next burned button and evidence of a teenage writer.)

Jeeezz!!!!!!!! Golly Ge Willickers, tickle me pink, slap me with pilla and call me SHUGGAR! I have now banned the word Jezze in my household and my two tweens would very much like to thank the author of this book. (Although, I highly suspect they are being sarcastic and have no intentions of actually saying thank you. Hmm my husband would though.) Any who... are we to believe that this HONORS college graduate in literature says JEEZ every other second?! Along with a host of other high school type words and phrases said a million different ways??? (i.e crap, double crap, triple crap, F*@k-upedness, F*#kery, blah blah blah) Where did that spoon go? Someone beat me with it!

I could keep bashing but since I already purchased the other two in this series, I might as well get started on those. So look, I realize I'm being a whole lot harsher on this book than I would have been if my expectations weren't so high for it. But it is what it is, and I'm annoyed. I won't say it's a total bust of a book. The story line, although it borderlines plagiarism in this day and age, isn't entirely a snooze-fest. So like I said in the beginning, I am glad I didn't put it down. Let's just hope the story line in the next two take a left turn and Christian turns out to be Ana's step fathers long lost son and Ana struggles with lesbian tendencies... Oh and I have high hopes that Ana burns that Plum dress and Christian decides to NEVER wear grey pants and a white linen shirt again! Jeez...



  1. this book is pure porn..
    I'm gonna read it!

  2. I had my doubts about this book, and you just confirmed them. Everyone has been talking so much about it... I might read it just out of curiosity.